The Last Enchantment

Women Are From Penis

• Women are manipulative. In a relationship, you can tell when a woman is lying to you, because her mouth moves. Women don't want their partners to be honest with them, and they certainly have no intention of being honest with their partners. Honesty is something they keep for their close friends, and the last thing they want to hear from a partner is the honest truth about themselves, the partner, the relationship, their appearance, their career, their taste or anything. However, this is rarely a problem for most women, since in practice their partners are usually kept trapped in some verbal bind or other, in order to make sure that they are still there the next time the woman needs them to go and do something for her.
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• Women are illogical. It is not possible to have a sensible discussion with a woman on any topic, since there is no common ground of logic on which the topic can be discussed. You can always, if you wish, and if the topic is one in which she has some interest, ascertain her opinion on that topic simply by asking, though you must be prepared for an answer which runs to some length, and you must also be prepared to sit through her equally verbose opinions on seven entirely unrelated topics, which she will insist on flitting between unexpectedly at random, sometimes over a period of several years.
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• Women are venal. Their sexuality is somehow directly wired to their partner's bank account. There are no female philanthropists - only men give their money away. While there are many women involved in charity work, you will notice that they are usually involved in events designed to induce other people - not themselves - to donate to the given charity. Naturally, many women involved in charity work earn a good salary for doing so, though it is best to be wearing some kind of armoured suit if you ever propose to actually point this out to them.
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• Women are vain. Unbelievably vain. Never, ever, trust a woman who tries to tell you that really, her appearance isn't at all important to her or her self-image. This is a trap designed ultimately to get you to do something for her, or to get back at you for something, or both. The more attractive a woman appears to be, the more of a minefield the subject of her appearance is likely to become, and there is no way of winning here, because if you don't bring the subject up, she will. Indeed, in addition to being vain, women are dangerous. You wouldn't deliberately spend your life with a tarantula - and anyone with an iota of common sense would approach women with the same kind of attitude.
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• Women are, in short, from Penis. They are mendacious, illogical, venal, self-obsessed psychopaths, and if the one you are involved with hasn't attacked you or conned you out of something yet, the truth is probably that they have, but you haven't realised it. You won't know until you're out of there.

In short, neither men nor women are worth spending one's life with. However, as we shall see, the above intrinsic weaknesses in the vast majority of members of each gender can usually be used, pretty simply, in order to get them to leave of their own accord, as well as to remind ourselves why we wanted them gone in the first place, should we endure a sudden, irrational moment of doubt.